Arguments

So I know that it has been far too long since I've updated this blog, and for that I sincerely apologize! Ever since moving to Italy, my life has been a whirlwind and staying in touch with the long distance aspect of our relationship has slipped from me since we are living quite differently this year. However, I have been thinking about what to write on here, and even though this topic isn't the most fun, it's essential to address.

Some people have the impression that in a long distance relationship, you don't get into fights because you aren't seeing each other, so all you really get is the talking and the romance while not having to deal with all those little arguments that you would get into if you were always with each other. In reality, not being in the same place is exactly the thing. Although the idea of this taking away the possibility of arguing is completely flawed. The truth is, the tension from not being together for long periods of time and from missing them so much makes it easier to blow up the little things and bicker over the subjects that would seem of little importance in other situations. The one that occurs the most frequently is the matter of talking times. If a couple of days go by where you don't get to talk to your significant other much, and a lot of things are going on in your life while all you really need is to talk to them and get reassurance, the day that they tell you that they just won't have time to fit in a talking date can quite easily push you over the edge. Even during conversation, it may seem that something that normally wouldn't bother you so much suddenly does, and that itself causes bickering of some sort. A lot of people mistake this for something seriously being wrong in the relationship, when you are both really suffering from a lot more tension that's caused by missing each other to such a great degree. This evokes strong and passionate emotion from within you, and it can easily turn bitter if not nurtured. The thing that you have to do is not look at the little arguments alone, but look at the big picture. Try to understand why they would have gotten upset at such a thing, and look to where it can be resolved and made better. From my own experience, I most certainly can give you my own words of advice in which you might be able to relate to or to find them to be a possible healthy for your situation as well.


Matters of talking times can be a real sensitive subject. A large time difference could make it a lot harder to match up your schedules as well. And in the end, there always seems to be one person who feels that the other isn't putting up as much effort to talk as they are, or they simply feel like they desire more time to talk while the other one doesn't seem to care quite as much as they do. First, to avoid confusion and misunderstandings, work out a schedule of the times that you will be talking so that way you both have something to look forward to, and so that it's completely clear. Make the schedule that meets up with both of your needs, and what works best for the well being of your relationship. Then obviously there will come days where something will get in the way and when you both just won't be available at the same time. The most important thing to do is to understand each other. Understand that your partner is living a different life than you, in a different culture, with a different schedule, and that sometimes will be harder than others to make your talking times work. On the other hand, while there will always be the difficulties of matching schedules and busy lives, you always want your partner to feel like they are a priority in your life. If it happens that one or more days come that you aren't able to talk as much or at all, make sure that you reassure them by telling them that the next day you promise to give them your full and undivided attention. When you do get to talk to them, make sure that you don't drown them completely in all the things that you have to do and how busy or annoyed or tired you are, but remember to take a moment to just enjoy the time you get to spend with them, and really engage in their life and what's important to them as well. Sure, you want to share your hardships and worries, but at the end of the day remember to not take advantage of that time that you have to talk, but make it valued and meaningful. You always want to remind your partner of how much they mean to you and make sure that they feel like you are truly interested in their life and their feelings. The absence of you physically is exactly what demands you to be there and alert more emotionally in order to stay connected in such distance. Your time together should have more substance rather than just the chatter of daily surface level happenings. If you do this, then those days when you might not get to talk won't be as big of a deal, because in the end they are made up for when you put out that extra effort that's needed.

The thing that makes arguments so much more drastic and tiring in a long distance relationship is the fact that you can't sit face to face and talk it out until you meet at a common ground. Sometimes you just won't have time to talk it out over Skype, and it could happen that you will go days on end dealing with the same small argument, just because you time differences and schedules make it almost impossible to take care of on hand. Then, you end up going two to three days with this weight on your shoulders, leaving you completely emotionally exhausted. Now I know it's hard to avoid at times when your frustrations get the best of you, but you should really try avoid hanging up on each other. Hanging up and leaving your partner sitting there in their frustrations isn't healthy for the argument and overall for the relationship. In reality, all that happens is they get more worked up and upset and you both are left like this without resolving anything. It's better to show your partner the respect that you have for them, and stay and try to talk it out no matter how upset they make you. Patience is one of the number one attributes that make up a long distance relationship, and the more you have it the more you'll find yourselves at peace. Trust me. Try your absolute hardest to work out the situation when it occurs, and don't let it drag on for days. If you keep pushing it onto the back burner you'll ultimately risk making your partner feel like the well being of your relationship isn't important enough for you to give it the time of day. And since you can't physically hug and kiss each other to reassure that everything will be okay, you need to go that extra mile emotionally to maintain the closeness that you share.